Where have the last two months gone? For me, it has seemed like they have completely vanished. This time in August we were busy packing our lives up and getting ready for what seemed like a very long journey back to New Zealand. Now I find myself sitting here in Dubai a few days out from the last flight on this journey and the final destination of my own 15-year road trip.
It has been hard. Not hard in the sense of having to slog away 16 hours a day to get stuff done. It has been hard to actually believe this has and is happening and the suitcases can be unpacked for a final time very soon.
It has also been hard to process my emotions. More accurately, I just haven't.
There is the underlying utter joy of finally being in the same timezone as my kids mixed with the numbness of leaving what has been your life for quite some time behind. There have been too many goodbyes, some of which I am sure will be with friends who have been rocks that I may never see again. Others will be seen again but it won't be the same. This is the nature of the ex-pat life.
It has been hard to be motivated. I had grand plans to do lots of things over the last two months and many things did get done. We spent time with Anki's family in Croatia which was the only mission statement for our time there. We did some other things too and did a very small amount of travelling to see the coast. We did have laid the foundation in NZ as much as we can and have the skeleton of a plan for the first few months. The critical things are under control.
The gym, making video's and many other things just got put on the good old backburner though. These are things that are really important and a part of what life will look like for me but I choose to do something more important. I let my mind breathe. I had no choice. Too many questions with answers unable to be written until we are actually back in NZ weighed me down. There was no point to spin the wheels to go nowhere so sometimes you just need to stop peddling.
Now I feel ready for 2022, a new job and a new life with my most amazing wife and the children I have missed so dearly. I will be close to my parents too who have been beyond words in their support over the last 5 years. My old friends will be just my friends again.
It will be no fairytale. I still won't see the kids every day but it will be much much more than it has been and 5 pm for them will be 5 pm for me too. It will be weekends and holidays and there will be no flights to catch once it is done. Christmas this year with the kids will be on the 25th December not some date in January.
I will have to relearn the NZ heartbeat for work. I will have to help Anki adjust to her new life and make sure she can thrive in NZ. There will be readjustment and it won't be simple but we won't be waiting "to go to NZ" as we have for a long time now. We have a property ladder to cling on to somehow and 150 boxes of our life to unpack.
It has been harder than I thought and it will be harder in NZ than I am expecting, but there is no doubt and no fear that this is the right way to point the ship.
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